what if we're all test tube babies?

[quote_center]”We ship guns worldwide because you have a right to defend yourself”[/quote_center]

According to the Daily Mail, the deep web is a hive of drugs, guns and pornography. For once, the Daily Mail is right. The deep web is stowed with all manner of contraband and today we’re going to probe its darkest corners.

Don’t let its name or illicit themes deter you. The deep web isn’t to be feared – it’s to be enjoyed (in moderation) and laughed at frequently. Accessing it is hella easy – just install the Tor browser and off you go.

When you launch Tor, it opens just like a regular web browser, only now your IP address is obfuscated. Technically you’re being bounced through a series of relays and exit nodes across the globe, but all you need to do know is you’re effectively anonymous on the web. (For tips on staying anonymous while using Tor, see here. Disabling JavaScript in the Tor browser is recommended.)

Going deep

what do you see homieIf you’re dipping a toe into the murky waters of the deep web, start at the Hidden Wiki. There’s more to the deep web than the wiki – magnitudes more – but it’s a good place to begin. It can be found here using the Tor onion browser though if the address changes (as sometimes happens), alternative links should appear here on the open web.

The first thing to know when browsing the deep web: trust no one. The second thing to know when browsing the deep web: trust no one. In that respect, it’s just like using the regular web.

So now I’m browsing with Tor and I’ve headed to the Hidden Wiki. Let’s see what sort of fun I can find there…

Global Guns

Hmm, where could this link lead? Global Guns. Slogan: “We ship guns worldwide because you have a RIGHT to defend yourself”.

Do we get to see the goods before purchase, I wonder? The FAQ says:

Can we take a picture of the gun with your email written next to it? – Yes but it takes us time to go to the lockup, take the picture, come back, remove any traceable details and upload it to the webserver so there is a $75 fee (deductable from the weapon price when you buy). What payment options do you offer? Bitcoin and only Bitcoin.

And what sort of guns do they have for sale?

what are you shopping for online darling? oh, nothing dear

Desert Eagle: “hardly used”

What does “hardly used” mean? I don’t think I wanna know. Hypothetically, if I was to order a piece, would Global Guns actually despatch it or would they take my bitcoins and run? I’m not convinced this is a wise investment, but wait – I’ve found something better…

UK Guns and Ammo Store

last minute xmas shopping ideas

Seems legit

Apparently I can get a Glock for £500. Or if I can stretch to six-fiddy I get a Walther P99.

The trouble with the deep web is that it’s hard to tell which sites are genuine and which are scams. Is IsraelService, “Tel Aviv based group providing international smuggling of arms and narcotics” going to bring me opium or misery?

Maybe neither; maybe both.

Who else do we have on the Hidden Wiki? Ah, EuroGuns. “Your #1 european arms dealer.” How’s it going guys? Business good?

Let’s get away from IRL violence for a moment and check out some OTI violence on the deep web instead. It’s time to go on a hacking spree. My computer skills aren’t l337 enough to root anyone’s box, but that’s OK – I can just pay someone to do the job for me.


Rent-A-Hacker’s skills:

  • 0-day Exploits, Highly personalized trojans, Bots, DDOS
  • Spear Phishing Attacks to get accounts from selected targets
  • Anonymity: no one will ever find out who I am
i can haz leet hax0r?

Ruining people: a medium-large job

Our hacker explains: “Ill do anything for money, im not a pussy 🙂 if you want me to destroy some bussiness or a persons life, ill do it!”

Lest there be any doubt:

“If you want someone to get known as a child porn user, no problem.”


do not want hugh


Moving swiftly on…

Hack BB forums

Next stop is the Hack BB forums, a message board that’s stuffed with hackers, scammers and phishers as well as some undesirable elements. Boards are dedicated to credit card fraud, rooting devices and leaked databases.

anybody for a passport mateA typical thread begins “I’m looking to secure the login information for two individuals (already have the username). $2,500 on standby. PM me or reply here for details, I am here daily.”

After exiting the Hack BB forums, I find myself sifting through the Hidden Wiki once more. There are sites offering Sky HD TV cards “All channels including HD ones for a one off price, completely untraceable… Great for the football season!”, sites for checking if credit cards are still alive, numerous drug stores and a fuck ton of porn websites. Elsewhere, there are vendors offering to sell skimmers, keyloggers, valid UK passports and bitcoin wallet stealers.

the milk murderer


Old Man Fixer’s Fixing Services

This sounds quaint. Who on earth is Old Man Fixer? The slogan on his site reads: “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”

Curiouser and curiouser. Ah wait, there’s a blurb:

A fixer is a person that, for a fee, connects buyers with suppliers. I happen to be one of the world’s best. I can get you anything from wholesale drugs and precursors to wholesale weapons. From hacking to immigration services. Insider trading info to exotic pets. Crooked government officials to the best discrete lawyers. Real university degrees to snuff films. You name it, and I can get it for you or connect you with someone who can get it for you.

What can he get?

The Fixer’s wares include “slaves, very high class escorts and counterfeit currency.” Like the man said, you name it and he can get it for you.

Have we gone deep enough into the deep web or can you stomach some more?

I tell you what, let’s take a breather. Come back tomorrow and we’ll resume our tour in part two. Next up? Hit man services.

[quote_center]”I will ‘neutralize’ the ex you hate, your bully, a policeman that you have been in trouble with, a lawyer, a small politician… I do not care what the cause is. I will solve the problem for you.”[/quote_center]



that's the deep web yo

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